2019 Writing Update #1

Have you ever had an idea or created something that you thought was good and then decide you actually despised it?

Because that's where I'm at with this novel right now.

I don't mean that in general. I like the idea overall, I like my characters, my plot, and the direction I'm going. But I'm right at the inciting incident now and I do not like my lead up at all.

I've been struggling with how to write this plot point anyway because it is my first huge moment in the story. It is the moment where my protagonist's world is about to change. And I suppose that weighty importance is why I'm struggling with it. I have a hard time remembering I can go back and change it later (and that it's natural to dislike or struggle with my writing).

Right now, I am really struggling with the whole idea of "write and fix it later" because I am so strongly against my current approach. I want to scratch the last three pages I've written and do it again. I love the character backgrounds I've included, but the original idea I had that includes those I hate. And that is making it very hard to get over this current hump. I feel that once I do get through this part (a part I was excited for) that I'll make a lot of progress. But the struggle is very real right now.

I just need to bash out the part of my mind that wants to fix the now blatantly obvious error right this second. That's not the way I should be writing, and I have read so many blog posts and articles on that issue. Write first, revise later. Unfortunately, that is much, much easier said than done sometimes. I know enough about myself as well to know that part of why I struggle with this idea is partly how my brain works. It sees a fork in the road. The choices are A or B. If something doesn't work, fix it and change it. That's something that was only reinforced by being an engineering student. Program or code doesn't work? Fix the error. Math isn't right? Find and fix the mistake. Design has problems? Go back and (sometimes) start over.

This is such a frustrating struggle. It's just as frustrating to realize something you thought would be a good idea actually stinks. So, long story short, this one point is making me frustrated and this post is me screaming into the void over it.